i know the Gazette wasn’t the first Jrock band I’ve liked, nor did i like them immediately at first, but right now, they’re the ones that hold the most special place in my heart.

last week, my Mass Communication theory prof asked us to bring our “ most precious thing/possession/person” in class. I brought my laptop which is full of the gazette pics and vids.

i was actually hesitant to volunteer since people might laugh at my presentation and not everyone in the class would be asked to present but i swallowed my gut feelings and raised my hand.

i told them how i was the “odd one out” back in highschool and that i was psychologically and physically *in a small extent* bullied . i had no friends till my third year, no one to talk to. i had times when i ate alone and i also cut myself in places people and my parents won’t see. i even contemplated on committing suicide. mum TOLD ME THAT MAYBE THE PROBLEM LIES WITH ME AND SHE ASKED ME TO CHANGE AND BE LIKE a normal teenager. i spent the whole night thinking about it.

one day i was browsing the net and a friend suggested that i listen to the Gazette *i was already listening to miyavi and kiyoharu that time* i saw a random playlist and it played “miseinen”

“i don’t want to forget to myself, i want to be as i am”

i realized that no matter what i am, some people would still dislike me, that i don’t have to fit in, that all i have to realize is that i can be what i want to be and not give a fuck as long as i’m not harming anyone.

Being in the University enabled me to meet people that understood my quirks. that i am not the one to blame, society is for making false and pretentious ideals.

if i haven’t heard that song, i don’t know where i would be now. 

and now as i turn 18, a lot of things hae changed. but when i look at my full length mirror, i still see that wimpy, suicidal and rebellious  kid crying. I know she will stay forever but Gazette’s music enabled me to at least conquer my fear, my doubts and my disillusionment in life.

When everything else failed, when i couldn’t find the love i needed from the people i needed the most, music was there. the Gazette was there. THEY WERE THERE.